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"Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up."

"(317): I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
(317): And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt"

"(281): I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
(936): haha now u have to **** out ur bum"

Omg these are great lol
 

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;D

(786): Thats something to write home to mom about
(305): Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her


(901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
(813): sounds like you understand them just fine


(925): so explain again why im purple
(617): no


(718): There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
 

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7,585 Posts
(847): if brad doesn't come out of the closet soon, i'm going to pull him out of it.


:p Jess been posting her texts?


Lol, this guys day just got worse. :lmao:
(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
 

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Holy crap...I've so totally sent text messages like some of those.
This one?

(323): that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.

Or this one?

(617): Did you hit it?
(616): Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.

Nah... it must have been this one...

(603): I just made out with a guy for $7.
 

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Lol, this is almost better than grouphug and FML.

Edit: Wait... I was wrong.

(970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
(970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

:puke:
 

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7,585 Posts
(313): Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
(1-313): "omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"

I'm so independent. :)
 
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